Probably best sums up how im feeling, or how i felt for this whole wk.

Sometimes, i just continually pray for the ability to NOT hate and not b vengeful. To love , to FORGIVE! this is e most impt. y?

I mean, why lead a bitter life? life is short, make it simple, make tons of friends! tt's wad i truely believe. n most of all, NEVER hold grudges. it'll make u a sick n bitter person @ e end of e day.

Till this day, im still trying to forgive some pple.

Toking abt forgiveness, it's sumthing i try very hard to do. I sincerely hope that this hatred will go away from me. Sumtimes, i juz think im not myself. it's as though this hatred comes from another part of me...a darker side of me.

It's just hard to explain

I juz pray to the Lord to help and aid me. It's wen im alone, tt dark past creeps up to me, and affects everyone, not only myself.

Recently, some events happened. It wasn't anything big, really! It's just tt i kinda blew matters up to some extent! I really didn't mean to, but it's juz.....uncontrollable emotions! those emotional outburst tt come up to me...it's killing me!

Talking bout tt, sometimes, i feel life is abit meaningless..

no..it aint bcoz of any loss, or disappointment tt's y im feeling tis way. it's juz tt...i dun wanna b a burden to pple n those around me. it's really tough, wen u tink of it, sometimes u juz feel ur dragging every1 down, makin pple worried for u(im sorry), tt kinda thing

I juz dun wanna live...

Unless some 1 can gimme a million good reasons y i shuld b on this world, i...i dunnoe

I really hope tt things btw those close to me dun bcome sour...i dunnoe. I dun wan to always live a life of regret, regret this n tat bcoz of a moment of...outburst. i cant stand it no longer!

FUCK IT man! I just wonder WHAT THE FUCK I AM!

sigh~



o well, seriously, im looking fwd going bac to camp. @ least e tuff training can get my mind off things. SERIOUSLY, i juz wanna b away from my loved ones and everyone else...so if dere's confinement for every1 @ SISPEC, so b it. i mean..it's like..dammit man..i've felt i've let pple down.


yeah..all e negative thinking...


come to think of it, no 1 will read this shit anyway, so im juz gonna type on...

but this is realli e best way to express how im realli feeling...no 1 realli noes, not even, him or her or her or him or any1 else...



But i will Fight On!






God....plz gimme strength to fight tt inner dark side of me. Plz gimme strength..i Beg you Lord! If this is a test, i pray for ur assistance to b by my side. For whatever wrong doings i have done, plz punish me appropriately. I pray that you will not allow those around me to be affected.

Dear Lord, You are LOVE! Plz, show me how to LOVE and FORGIVE!

I Love You!

To all my loved ones, i love you too!